Tuesday 17 January 2012

Ooh Matron!

I have long bemoaned the fact that I have never been a bridesmaid.

Is it bad that I think these outfits are sort of cute? In ride-down-the-aisle-on-a-unicorn kinda way?

Having been a profoundly geeky and unattractive child I was always left on the shelf when younger (I would have ruined the formal pictures) and having no sisters or close girl mates on the verge of getting married I suppose I thought I'd just twiddle my thumbs for the next few years until my best mate got around to getting hitched.

She got engaged last weekend.


Now there's no date set (not even a ring bought yet) but it doesn't change the fact that she is getting MARRIED and she has always maintained that I would be not only her bridesmaid, but the boss of all the bridesmaids: the Maid Of Honour.

Well, Matron of Honour. Although that makes me think I should look like this:

I hope this isn't an outfit I'm expected to wear as part of my duties.

Being a bridesmaid (particularly a chief one) means you have quite a few  responsibilities. Unless you're a very lucky duck indeed it's not just about turning up and looking pretty on the day. The centre is about to drop out of your best friend's world approximately twice a week (this may rise to twice an hour in  the run-up to the big day) due to a number of contributing factors: uncompromising friends and relatives, not finding the right shoes/napkins/caterer/centrepieces, uncontrollable factors such as weather/spots/illness/boyfriend behaving in a way that makes her not want to turn him into a husband anymore, and on and on and on. As a bridesmaid it is your duty to be there to put the centre back in, or at least give her some gentle perspective. Or a punch on the nose.

she'll definitely get a punch on the nose if I'm wearing anything like this

You're also required (in most cases) to co-operate as she dresses you in an outfit of her choosing, possibly do a speech (BF did a  speech at mine, although she did sign up for it before I asked her) and ....organise the hen.

It's the last one that is giving me the fear. Anybody who has ever met my BF, or was at my hen (organised by BF) will know that she is FORMIDABLE at this sort of task, and having to organise a party for the ultimate party organiser is actually making me quake in my matronial boots. She also has roughly a million girl mates (none of whom will want to miss out on a hen of the funnest, most party girl evaaa) so I've got a one-way ticket to logistical hell.

Anway, I'm not under starter's orders yet, so I'm still basking in her reflected happiness without feeling any trepidation. However, I WILL call on you all for your best hen games at an undisclosed date in the future....

All images from here


  1. As a male, I can't offer you any advice on hen party stuff, apart from start with penis-shaped drinking straws and go from there. They seem to be the element that holds all other hen party stuff together, if groups of scary hen party ladies in clubs are anything to go by...

  2. LOVE a good hen party - you want any advice you should ask my sisters because they did an absolute NUMBER on mine (Harry Potter costume for the bride to be? Check! Forcing the DJ to play your homemade playlist from your iPhone because his was shite? Check again! Forming a scrum in the hotel bar to take on the locals even though you've never set foot on a rugby pitch in your life? Triple Check!).

    Seriously <3 my sisters.

    We did a "guess the dress" game where all the girls had to draw what they thought my dress would be like on a post-it and then the winner got a prize on the day (though that was forgotten about in a drunken haze so nobody knows who actually won!) and the standard quiz where they asked me questions and I had to get his answers right which actually resulted in me and his sister giving him a row when we got home for giving the wrong answers because his favourite ice cream is not vanilla - it's mint choc chip. Fact.

    Enjoy your bridesmaid duties :) I've done it 4 times now, 5th time will be in June, so I'm a bit of an old pro!

  3. Steff, I will be picking your brains! Guess The Dress is a great idea, I'm writing it down... I also had Mr & Mrs at mine (got to be done) and ended up wondering whether my husband knows me better than I know myself (is my favourite food pizza or Pretzel Flipz? I still don't know who was right).

    Lud - the penis straws are a must! Although last hen I was on somebody mistook them for jazzy chopsticks...


  4. I am organising a hen party at the momwnt and we have a whole weekend to sort...i am just as stuck as you so I don't have any advice at the moment...Good luck!


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