Bag For Mercy!

I may have moaned about the unnecessary baublification of high-street party dresses this year, but my wrath does not apply to handbags.

Look at these beauties!

 Tiger clasp clutch by Wilbur & Gussie for House Of Fraser

Glitter box clutch half price in the French Connection sale!

You can now be a clever bugger and wear an understated, classy dress and rock up the wow-factor by adding a stonking handbag, thereby lowering your WAG factor by about 100%.

I am a lover of all the box and envelope clutches about at the moment, the more they look like they've come out of the Dynasty wardrobe department the better. I would ideally like one that's in the shape of a jaguar's head, with rubies for eyes and smoke coming out of its nostrils. Please let me know if you see it, I would love for it to exist outside of my sweetest dreams.

...or this one by Marni would do.....

....or this one by Di Von F. Shoulder pads ho!

The problem with clutch bags is that I like to dance. And gesticulate. And get my purse out with a drink in my hand. All of these actions require putting my beautiful hand candy DOWN somewhere. What's a girl to do? I lost my fit gold clutch twice at my friend's wedding the other week, abandoning it on a table for four hours and then triumphantly leaving it in the hotel bar as a final flourish.  Luckily I didn't get anything stolen, and the bar staff kindly put it to one side for me to sheepishly pick up in the morning. I won't be that lucky in a public bar.

I need my belongings to be fixed to me, people, physically STRAPPED to my body, or I will lose them. And cross body bags aren't cutting it. Does Joan Collins have a satchel? No.

What to do?

Possible solutions:

- Use clutch bag as a prop for dancing with (I'm imagining sky-writing with it, like a glittery sparkler)

- Purchasing a tiny bag and an enormous coat with pockets big enough to shove it in

- Attaching it to my body with a series of powerful magnets.

Seriously ladies, how are you managing to do this? Let me in on the secret.