I'm not sure when it happened. I used to be dangerous and rock 'n roll, but one day I just woke up and I was old. A Saturday night out sounds like hard work, the weather/bus fares/young people today are always ripe to be moaned about and every pull or tear or sprain I've had starts to ache a little bit more each winter. I sit on reception every day, having a whinge with the old dears "oooh, that cold! It gets right into your bones doesn't it?", extolling the virtues of glucosamine and a nice hot bath. I love cakes, comfy slippers and my cats. I am old and there is nothing to be done about it.
Maybe if I try hard enough I can convince you that all this stuff on my current wish-list is cutting edge and cool. But really we all know the truth.
I love this. Apparently kitsch Christmas jumpers are all the hipster rage this year, but I promise you I will be wearing mine with zero irony. Look how cheerful it is! £69 on a jumper is a bit steep mind (as is £3.80 for a return to town - shocking). Hoping they have something similar at Home Bargains.
these to while away the winter nights while the young fashionable people trough on that Celebrations shite.
And, finally, now I'm an old fart I'll need a drop of sherry to slip into my morning tea when nobody's looking. I hate sickly booze, so it will have to be bone dry, which is lucky because dry sherries are on the up again so I can pretend I'm just keeping up with the trends.
See, it's booze, I'm still rock 'n roll. A bit.
Now let's switch on the wireless and listen to the hit parade.