The Grinch Goes Shopping

Last week's sartorial crisis prompted a stomp around the shops on Thursday lunchtime, during which I realised I actually hate everything the high street has in for Christmas. WHAT has gone wrong? The sequins that turned me into a whooping magpie last year are leaving me cold. The gorgeous jewel tones I got so excited about a few months ago are now conjuring up images of Cadbury's Roses. Faux fur, I have loved you since I was 16, but this is excessive. I'm expecting Topshop to grow a tail and start humping my leg any day now.

Fashion, I adore you, but this time you have gone too far.

I'm all for a pretty frock, but I'm a bottle blonde on the wrong side of 30 and frankly most of this stuff makes me look like a Russian hooker. It's too much, too many heavy colours, too many shiny dresses, too much bling.

Even the cast of Hollyoaks look 10 years older - there is literally NO hope for the rest of us

Can we start to pare this down now? The first rush of the A/W lines looked promising, but I'm having to dig to find anything remotely acceptable now the Christmas party frocks have landed. Can I still wear low to mid range high street clothes and look fun without looking like a freak?

I'm also partly blaming my trip to New York, where I became enamoured of forbidden fruits like neutrals, tailoring and (shhh) not wearing every pattern in your wardrobe at once. Either I'm growing up kids, or the preppy Williamsburg hipsters got under my skin. Sadly this look only seems to drip into the very expensive shops, and I am not known for my tendency to capsule wardrobe (yes I'm using it as a verb).

People, there has to be another way.


So far the hunt for the dress to go with the shoes has been frustrating, I'm going back into town with a vengeance (and the actual shoes in my bag this time). I'm having strange, manic thoughts about something in salmon pink. With grey tights??

PS How good are these tights!!