I don't know why this got under my skin. It seemed sort of flippant. Because writing is one of those things everyone thinks they can do, you know, if they tried. If they actually ever, you know, wrote anything. And that feels a bit dismissive of the people that are out there trying and doing - the people furiously writing under desks while they work a day job, the letter-writers, the epic emailers, the bloggers, the secret short-story writers, the poets, the diary-keepers, all of YOU. You know who you are.
I also think my grumpiness was connected to my own insecurities. I worry that I'm not trying hard enough or doing enough, or that I'm not pushing my energies in the right direction. That there's something obvious I haven't thought of yet. A part of the dam that hasn't been plugged. Another plate that needs spinning.
I also worry that I'm doing too much of the wrong things. Pursuing the things I enjoy. Writing too much about music, writing too much - well - waffle. When maybe I should be putting on a business hat (bowler? top?) and doing something....I don't know. Entrepreneurial.
Isn't that what proper writers do?
At what point do you break out of that box of career changers who just talk about writing and become.... a writer? Your first paid job? Your hundredth? When it takes over your entire working day? When it earns you enough to do it full-time? I don't know if I would call myself a writer yet, but I'm working my way down that list. I now spend more time writing than I do anything else. When I'm not writing, I'm thinking about writing. Not all of it pays, and hardly any of it pays well, but I'm in a very different place to where I was six months ago. I am finally serious about something.
I am not sure I would call myself a writer.
But I now believe there may come a day when I do.
I would call you a writer... and a great one at that x
ReplyDeleteThanks, Hobo - means a lot coming from a writerly one such as yourself. Although (shouts) I WASN'T FISHING. I wasn't.
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I know that! I'm not a writer, but I am a massive know-it-all x
DeleteThis is brilliant, so positive, yay! (<-- see how eloquent I am? I could totally be a writer)
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about wondering when you finally start feeling like a proper writer. I think it's one of those feelings that never really comes - like feeling like a proper grown up. When I was writing bits and bobs I used to think that I'd feel like a proper writer when I had found myself a job which meant I did it for my main source of income. Now I have that job, I feel like it'll be once I get myself a byline in the Guardian etc. Who knows if that day will ever come!
ReplyDeleteI'm amazed you don't still class yourself as a writer - it's your proper job-job and you worked so hard to get to this point too. If it helps I definitely think of you as a writer. The grown-up analogy is right (maybe because some days you do a bit and some days you really, really don't).
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I'd call you a writer, I think a writer is someone who needs to write. I'd call myself a writer, although not professionally. Professionally I'm a lab monkey and an editor, but I still need to write and thus I am a writer, in my own head at the very least.
ReplyDeleteI completely know what you mean when you say you feel you should be doing something... more. I feel all the time that I'm not trying hard enough to make writing my life, but then I know myself and I know how hard I'm prepared to work, I'm doing what I can. As I'm certain you are, too.
K x
I agree with Hobo, and laughing at Katie Hall's comment- haha!
ReplyDeleteI think you are such a "writerly one" too Penny- your writing is brilliant and clever.
PS. That photo of the umbrellas is simply beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes wonder whether the first step to becoming a writer is to *call* yourself a writer, rather than the other way around? I don't know. I have thoughts on this, but can't articulate them very well (oh, the irony).
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth, I think the fact you've been paid to write ANYTHING is pretty f*ing badass. I'm still waiting to cross that sucker off my list.
Can I liken this situation to running? I'm going to, so yeah...I used to think it was reeeeally twatty so say, 'yeah, I run. I'm a runner.' But the more you do it (and say it, and believe it) the more it ceases to be a wanky description and just, well, FACT. You're a writer, Penny. You're funny and profound and I'm always checking in here to see what you have to say about the world.
ReplyDeleteA self-fulfilling prophecy.... I'm going to roll with this one.
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I think Katielase and Kirsty make valid points, but also are you a writer if people want to read what you write? I for one want to read your blog posts x
ReplyDeletePs I cannot work out how to show my avatar pic when I post comments :(
That's very kind of you. I think you need to edit the avatar from your Google profile? I'm not sure but I don't think it's especially complex so probably just a button you've missed - I did the same on Wordpress for about a year :)
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