Thursday 5 January 2012

Feeling Mardy

I'm in a bad mood. And do you know what's annoying me?


They are everywhere at the moment. Has everybody eaten too much Chocolate Orange over Christmas and they're all now in some sort of terminal sugar slump? What is WRONG with people? Are you all half asleep? HELLO?

-Dozy buggers in front of me at the traffic lights: WAKE UP

-Dozy buggers leaving their trolley in the middle of the aisle at peak time: SELFISH

-Dozy buggers driving at 29mph in a 40 zone because they can see a speed camera but apparently not the speed limit sign: CAN YOU ONLY SEE IT IF IT'S YELLOW, FOOLS?

-Dozy buggers too stupid to use Google: ALWAYS GOOGLE BEFORE YOU ASK. Yes, pedants, I mean everything, "are you sure that's the correct spelling?" "does anyone on Twitter know *insert easily google-able thing here*?" "is anyone sitting in that seat?" JUST F**KING** GOOGLE IT! God gave us technology for a reason, and that reason is that you don't waste everyone else's time.

 -And last of all (grrrrrraaaargggh) dozy buggers dawdling everywhere, just EVERYWHERE, half asleep and USELESS. Go back home and sit on your sofa where you belong and leave the world clear for people who have THINGS TO GET DONE BEFORE 2013***

And the weather can piss right off too.

*Dozy Bugger is a trademarked insult, all rights belong to my stepdad who is from the North East and knows a Dozy Bugger when he sees one, especially if they're driving slowly in front of him or generally "fannying about".

**Sorry for swearing Mum.

***This does not count when I can't find my shoes/keys/an appropriate outfit so everybody has to wait for me before we can leave the house.


  1. You need this.

    Described as being "for all those people who find it more convenient to bother you with their question rather than google it for themselves".

    You're welcome.

  2. I am so guilty of this. Not the driving or the supermarkets bits though.

  3. I can't believe there are any dozy buggers in your neck of the woods Penny, I thought they were all camping outside ASDA in Charlton, SE7, waiting for me to go in to pick up one or two items and then THWARTING ME AT EVERY TURN WITH THEIR TROLLEYS, CHILDREN, AND GENERAL BLINDNESS. The shopping I got on Monday is going to have to last until I grow some patience...

  4. Completely with you on the driving 29 mph in a 40 zone. It says 40 RIGHT THERE you complete moron. If you can't see that, GET OFF MY ROAD.

    This is endemic in SW London. It's like they don't know that the speed limit is posted up there for all the world to see and instead insist on making driving along A-roads a twisted guessing game.

    K x

  5. Kirsty, I am now lying in WAIT on Twitter for somebody to ask something really easy. I bet nobody does it forever now. Or it's somebody I really don't want to piss off.