Monday 20 February 2012

Popping Out Babies

I spent all day Friday and Saturday learning about how to do Pilates on ladies who are growing a baby. Then I learned about how to put them back together again, after they have popped the baby out.


If they told you this shit at school, the human race would be EXTINCT.

Most shocking of all, for me, is how much lecturing pregnant ladies get about harming their baby, when in most cases the baby is just dandy (and if it isn't, it's rarely the mother's fault). The vessel containing the child, on the other hand, is getting stretched and bent  in all sorts of manners that made my eyes water SIMPLY HEARING ABOUT THEM. When women who have given birth get that LOOK in their eyes when you talk about a labour or complications following labour, or a difficult pregnancy.... you don't want to know what that look is about. I mean, I knew it before, but now I actually understand the anatomy of it, now I appreciate pelvic stability and core strength and the need for good posture... ARGH. It's like, "here's your lovely body that you've spent years looking after! Now let's build a monster truck inside it, then drive it through your womb and out of your fandango! TOOT TOOT!"

If you are reading this, and you are a lady who has grown a baby, and popped that baby out. WELL. I don't know what to say. Keep your Ussein Bolts. You're my athletic hero.

And as for those of you -like a few girls on the course- who currently building your own monster truck inside your tummy - pretend you didn't read this. Close your eyes. Continue the human race.

And I will be here (at a very reasonable rate) to put you back together again.


  1. TOOT TOOT! Hilarious!

    Also, you might like to know I have signed up for some Pilates classes after your comment on my blog a while ago. (Hunched over my computer like a gnarly old tree as I type this...)

  2. I'm so pleased! Stick at it, it may seem odd at first and there's a lot to think about, but it will pay off. Now do some shoulder squeezes!


  3. This is very exciting. I am going to tell Andy I'm now someone's atheltic hero. Not sure he'll believe me as I tell him through a mouth of doughnut whilst sitting on the sofa, but it's worth a try...

  4. Monster truck... that's a very memorable metaphor! *puts hands over ears, sings 'la la la' loudly*... that's what I currently want to do when friends tell me birth details. mature yes? ;)