I know we are supposed to tolerate this with good humour, but really? I know these people are my family, and I kinda knew this was in the post, but I'm still not keen. I used to quite like these folks. Now I just feel uncomfortable around them. That is a shame.
As the toddling child of a colleague of my aunty-in-law stumbled past me, I wondered if I should come up with a strategy to help the dear in-laws realise just how unsuitable a mother I am. Like....
1. If confronted with any child under the age of 2, push them into the garden pond.
2. If confronted with any child under the age of 5, teach them every swear I know and then get them to recite every one to the oldest/most easily offended member of the gathering.
3. If no children present, simply declare I am stepping outside for a cigarette, then proceed to stand on the patio puffing on a spliff the size of a traffic cone whilst swigging on a bottle of meths.
4. If confronted with any child under the age of 10, get them to join me in the above. Then, when I'm bored of that, push them into the garden pond.
Really though, ladies, is this just me? How do we deal with this? Should we grin and put up with it?
Isn't it all... well....none of anybody else's business?
Maybe I should play them at their own gane by hiding under an exceptionally large neon orang-utan costume at all times.
Oooh...is she.... isn't she...no way of knowing without tickling me with a banana.....