Monday 1 August 2011

Stuff Nobody Tells You About Weddings Part One: Throwing The Bouquet

I think the Americans got it right here. It really is a bouquet toss, not a throw. Do not think of the word throw as in "throw the rounders ball" or "throw the discus". Otherwise your bouquet will soar metres above the heads of your eager single friends and land in the very far corner of the room. Then a small child will bring the battered blooms back to you, and deposit them obediently at your feet. Like a gundog with a dead duck.

On a day full of emotion, your tearful mind will read something prophetic into this, such as "your marriage is not going to be the sort of one anybody else would ever want. Or be able to catch."

All it will really mean is, you were the best at javelin in your year.

Repeat after me:

Don't be a hurler.

Be a tosser.

Can you see the flowers? Honestly, did anyone really stand a chance?

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