Monday 8 August 2011

Stuff Nobody Tells You About Weddings Part Two: Alcohol

I was very nervous about the fact that I would lose all dignity on our big day and be The Drunk Bride.

Put aside for a moment the concept that maybe it would be perfectly acceptable in this 21st century of ours to be a tipsy lady swinging from the light fittings in joy at the fact that she has just married the man of her dreams.

This is definitely a strong point. But, for me, it was beside the point.

I just didn't want to make a tit of myself in front of so many family members.

The thought of my lovely but very boozy friends and my slightly conservative family meeting in a This Is Your Life style gave me terrors. How was I supposed to keep up the good-little-demure-girl persona I paraded in front of relatives old and new after a full day of drinking gin and bubbles? Surely the mask was bound to slip. Every time I closed my eyes I had this terrifying image of my parents shooting laser-beam stares of disapproval as I downed another shot and bogled* to Boom-Shack-A-Lack, oblivious to the shame I was bringing down upon myself.

But -astoundingly- on the day itself I did not feel drunk once.

I must have had a drink in my hand constantly for twelve hours. But the sheer power of the adrenalin coursing through my body seemed to counterbalance every sip. That and being so bamboozled by what was going on that I kept putting my drink down and losing it.

At the end of the day, I did not feel even tipsy.  It was like I had donned a magic cloak of invincibility in the face of alcohol for the entire day. Even two extremely potent cocktails in the hotel bar just made me feel sleepy. All family members went home with mental image of an angelic -albeit slightly frazzled- bride. No robot dancing (well, only a little. I love to robot). Party times had - and no disgraceful behaviour.

So, ladies and gentlemen, take it from me -and other wedded friends have confirmed similar experiences - try as you might, you will not get drunk at your wedding.


Actually - you never know. Best put your best knickers on just in case you end up flashing them during the Thong Song. It's always kinda fun to be just a tiny bit disgraceful.

All images by BlackEyeSpecialist
 *If you have never bogled, or are unfamiliar with the concept of bogling, you need to watch Spaced.. In fact, we should all go and watch Spaced now. It's pretty much always a good idea.

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