All I Want For Christmas Is............Granny Chic

I'm not sure when it happened. I used to be dangerous and rock 'n roll, but one day I just woke up and I was old. A Saturday night out sounds like hard work, the weather/bus fares/young people today are always ripe to be moaned about and every pull or tear or sprain I've had starts to ache a little bit more each winter. I sit on reception every day, having a whinge with the old dears "oooh, that cold! It gets right into your bones doesn't it?", extolling the virtues of glucosamine and a nice hot bath. I love cakes, comfy slippers and my cats. I am old and there is nothing to be done about it.

Maybe if I try hard enough I can convince you that all this stuff on my current wish-list is cutting edge and cool. But really we all know the truth.


I love this. Apparently kitsch Christmas jumpers are all the hipster rage this year, but I promise you I will be wearing mine with zero irony. Look how cheerful it is! £69  on a jumper is a bit steep mind (as is £3.80 for a return to town - shocking). Hoping they have something similar at Home Bargains.

 I really want this. You may think jigsaws are sad and pointless, but I think we need to bring them back into vogue. I feel Christmassy just looking at the picture. Look at it, it's brilliant! Get that mulled wine on the stove and just let me at those corner pieces.

There was a box of Cadbury's Roses in the office the other week, and I was devastated to discover that there are no longer any toffees on the menu. I love the toffees! And the coconut ones, which have also vanished.  So I'll need a box of these to while away the winter nights while the young fashionable people trough on that Celebrations shite.

And, finally, now I'm an old fart I'll need a drop of  sherry to slip into my morning tea when nobody's looking. I hate sickly booze, so it will have to be bone dry, which is lucky because dry sherries are on the up again so I can pretend I'm just keeping up with the trends.

 

See, it's booze, I'm still rock 'n roll. A bit.

Now let's switch on the wireless and listen to the hit parade.