Sunday 12 June 2011
I've just been watching that daft programme "Bridezillas" on cable channel 1839030430282.
I hate the word "Bridezilla". Those girls are extreme, but weddings DO send you into a bit of an odd mental state for a while. Mock if you like, but there's so much pressure to get everything right, be an event organiser, a stylist, a co-ordinator, keep everyone happy and entertained, talk to everyone in the room for at least five minutes each, keep everything moving like a well oiled machine, look the best you ever have AND have an amazing time. Yes, YOU are supposed to have an amazing time while all this is going on. It seems a little unfair to put that slightly derogatory "B" word out there as a stick to beat any engaged woman with who might be tempted to put her foot down about something, or lose the plot for, I dunno, two seconds.
I did have an amazing time at our wedding, but it was sort of in spite of the day. Everyone expects you to be a bit panicky during the run-up, but on the actual day you're supposed to relax and have a jolly old time. It's supposed to be the best day of your life. YES! THE BEST DAY!
Don't get me wrong, it was a nice day.
For me, getting to marry my favourite person in the world made it the best day. Maybe that's what they mean when the say it's the best day of your life. And, as far as I can see, that bit was my reward for enduring The Wedding.
For coping with my family having emotional melt-downs, the reception venue deciding to close on us with zero notice, having to race round the evening do trying desperately to speak to everyone before they left, worrying about the band being too loud, whether enough people were dancing, that guests were put out that we couldn't afford to have a free bar, that I'd invited people who were obligated to come who really didn't want to be there, the good friend who bailed on me BY TEXT in the middle of the family meal, and others who let us down at the last minute with no apparent reason (when there were others we would have liked to have invited in their place), the woman in the public bar at our lunch venue who tutted loudly to my face and then laughed with her friends at my appearance (really-no idea how I didn't punch her/burst into tears/both) and above all a thousand carefully plotted details being abandoned/forgotten/messed up in the mad scramble of the day. Things I took ages over. Really. Months. Nobody's fault, and all minor/predictable stressors in the scheme of things, but still frustrating.
And while all this was happening? I did exactly what everybody tells you to do. Let it go! Don't be a Bridezilla. The day will be amazing whatever happens. Sit back.
Well, it was amazing. Because our friends are amazing and I love my husband and I'm made up at how everybody pulled together to help us.
But I can't help going back over all the stuff that went a bit wrong and think... you know what? If I had stood up for myself and asked for some help, put my foot down a bit more, maybe I wouldn't be beating myself up about all this now. But I didn't, because I didn't want to be a bitch. I wanted to stay calm and smiley and bridal.
What IS that about?
We didn't have a wedding planner, or a day-of co-ordinator to sort out the little stuff. Our wedding was on a teeny budget, we had a lot to do on the day. Shit was bound to hit the fan, and I didn't have to sit there and watch things I'd spent months on get forgotten or lost. Because you know what? It was my wedding day, and if I'd piped up a bit more, people would have helped, and maybe they wouldn't have even minded. And if I'd been upset about some people being a bit inconsiderate, maybe somebody who DID care would have listened, and I would have felt better getting it off my chest instead of bottling up. And maybe I should have stood there and WAITED FOR PEOPLE TO GREET ME instead of bolting around after people all night. I sure as arse won't get a chance to do that again.
Anyway. The day was lovely, and I think (hope) that our guests had a good time, and anybody who knows me will know that this is ALWAYS the thing that gives me the greatest satisfaction. Looking back on the photos has been lovely so far as it's given us both a chance to re-experience the (amazing!!) high points of a day that was a total blur, and the details that DID make it out were entertaining and original, just as we'd intended.
And the best bit? I don't have post wedding blues AT ALL.
I have a wedding that is DONE AND OVER WITH (hurray!), some fabulous friends who shared it with us, a brand new family and a brilliant, brilliant husband.
Don't believe the wedding hype.
Being married is SO MUCH BETTER than being engaged.