I've just watched the saccharine, ridiculous film Bride Wars (starring Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson). It's about two best friends who grow up dreaming of their big day. Isn't that funny, that so many girls supposedly grow up with a kind of vision of their wedding day? Who are these people who while away their childhoods imagining themselves in dresses and the handsome groom and the cake and the flowers and the blah blah blah? Do they even exist?
Is this a culturally perpetuated myth, that little girls always dream of their Big Day?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not some crazy feminist who never wanted to get married in the first place. I just didn't really think about that much either way. I figured if it happened, then that would be dandy, and if it didn't, oh well. Stuff like having kids, a career and owning a house all seemed much more important than prancing around being the centre of attention (which is what I thought getting married was all about).
So I definitely didn't have any set ideas about how I wanted My Big Day to be.
I appear to be condensing 30 years of not being bothered into 5 months of being VERY BOTHERED INDEED. You may like to call it unhealthy obsession. I am at the stage now where 100% of my reading material is wedding based. I'm buying those silly bridal magazines even though I wouldn't dream of having a wedding remotely like anything they print and promote. I watch wedding reality TV non-stop. I am glued to Twitter for the latest update on the 123948293 wedding blogs I now regularly read. And apparently I am now watching really bad romantic comedies, providing their plot centres on the W word.
And MY GOD do I have spreadsheets, lists, and endless, gushing ideas of what we will be doing.
I am boring myself, frankly, so God help those around me.
So I started to wonder - maybe if I'd gone to tap class and pony riding lessons like all the other proper little girls I would have this shit LICKED by now. Maybe if I'd done my hair in ribbons and wanted to wear dresses when I was younger, I would have it all out of my system, because thinking about your wedding day is what those kind of girls do. I'D BE READY TO GO. But no, I chose to spend my youth copying pictures of Korky the Cat out of the Dandy and playing army with big sticks, and watching Predator when my Mum thought I was watching the Care Bears Movie.
So now I've ended up doing the girlie flouncy look-at-me-I'm-the-prettiest-princess-of-them-ALL shit as an adult who should really know better.
Oh it's so bad it's almost embarrassing.
Oh but my shoes WILL BE SO SPARKLY.